Sunday, May 8, 2011
Start Where you are
I hate labels. I believe people are unique and there are many different ways to recover from drug addiction or whatever currently ails you. I was - WAS - was was was was was - see, it's my blog and I can use the past tense if I want! This is so freeing! I was a drug addict but I'm not now. It's been almost four years. I've been mercilessly labelled as a DRUG ADDICT by the recovery community and I hate it. In my journey I've discovered that my childhood sucked. I tried to numb out stuff with drugs but I didn't know I was doing that at the time. I got into big trouble. I went to rehab. I got diagnosed with chronic PTSD. I had dissociative episodes. My eating is sometimes fucked up. I got into therapy. It's hard. It sucks a lot of the time. My therapist is nice but she gives me a lot of shit about not going to AA. I went for the first year, but I don't feel welcome in AA. I find it judgemental and sexist and extremely punitive. The friends I made always relapsed, it seems. It was very sad. The people it works for - awesome. They don't need to start a blog like this because the get plenty of support right there. I'm trying to use my creativity to come through a very difficult 3 years. I have a wonderful husband but zero parental support. Sometimes I can hardly get out of bed because of depression and joint pain from Lyme Disease but I continue to start where I am and move one foot in front of the other. I think there are many ways to skin a cat and I'm going to use this blog to document my experiments into feeling better and being more whole.