Inhabiting Yourself

Yesterday I started the weekly practice that I had mentioned. I am trying to learn more mindfulness. Apparently, learning mindfulness is helpful in psychotherapy and any sort of recovery of the crap life slings at us. I took a 15 minute walking meditation right before working at my daughter's book fair (another way to feel like I'm doing something.)

 I concentrated on all of my senses and tried to quiet the inner chatter. I guess when the inner chatter gets loud (and starts saying things like CRACKWHORE) the idea is to start again with no judgement. I felt my feet on the ground. The breeze at my back. The sun on my face. Smelled the flowers, heard the birds. I saw a baby goose which was the highlight of the walk. It was light brown and fuzzy, just enjoying the sun. Most importantly, I completed a walking meditation without nightmare images coming into my brain. I felt accomplished, which is what my unemployed PTSD brain often lacks. It sort of gave me a boost and just enough verve to want to make fish tacos for my family. Another tiny step forward after pulling myself out of the Lyme flare where I was in bed 24.7 and so depressed.

 We ate dinner on an Ikea curtain that I am using as a tablecloth (photo above), along with some fake peonies.  I love using things creatively like this. Also, you can probably tell that I like bright colors a lot. By the way, I also love this You Tube video - it makes me smile. It seems like such an obvious thing to do with 100 cats, doesn't it?